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            ‘Ains, are you—’ Niall was cut off by some yelling. It’d only been a few minutes after their amour. He had gotten out of the shower at bit early after at least washing his body and got dressed. He left her alone to dress and he came back to hear yelling?

            ‘No, I don’t care who she is, I’m not going to be your experiment again and I’m doing just fine on my own.’ He stayed outside in the hallway and watched, through the crack of the door, the unravelling conversation on the phone. ‘I’m not with mum. I haven’t seen her in years and you know she was always disgusted by me.’ There was a silence in-between to allow for a reply. ‘Yes she was father,’ she sobbed and Niall’s heart broke. ‘She was always disgusted by me. She was disgusted and scared of me. My eyes ruined my life there. I can’t go back to Sheffield. I have a happy life in London.’ She sounded like she was so close to crying and he wanted to hold her regardless of whether she would tell him about everything after him in Sheffield or not.

            ‘Please, I dunno how you got this number. But please, don’t call me again.’ She hung up and looked to her cell. The crazy texts from Chrissy ‘if they were still on tonight’ and ‘please respond, I’m getting worried.’ She texted back that she’d be there in a few. Her real dad called her home phone. How the fuck did he get her number? She didn’t want anything from her past bubbling up and overflowing into her new life where she is strangely but gratefully accepted by her friends and acquaintances. Now ever since Niall caught up to her with his shady ways, a successful lawyer and socialite, everything else is coming to the surface.

    ‘Are you ready to go,’ he asked, leaning against the door frame as she picked a necklace from a wooden jewellery box on her dresser beside a picture frame that held a picture of her very last day in Russia.

            ‘Yep.’ He watched her put the necklace on and it wasn’t her Jewish star like he’d remembered her wearing long ago, it was a gold doll like pendant. He stood there observing it. ‘It’s a matryoshka doll pendant.’

            ‘I see that,’ he said slowly still confused. He looked over at her dresser to see the picture of a happy Ainsley next to some dark haired, brown eyed man. They almost looked like a couple and made Niall ball his fists. ‘Another former boyfriend of yours?’ He added the bitter tone to former. Ainsley turned to the picture and smiled faintly at Nicolai.

    She loved him like a brother, and that’s what he was to her because she knew, painfully, that half of her heart belonged to the man that stood presently in her bedroom where they’d had sex sometime earlier after coming back from the studio and then in the shower a few minutes ago. She knew that night he appeared again, he either came to take the other half or return it and she was terrified of the answer.

            ‘That’s Nicolai, he’s Sergei’s son who is the brother I never had. That was when Papa took me to Russia to meet his family and tour the sights. That was a great week.’

            ‘Why do you call him papa? Where is your real dad?’ Niall wondered so curiously. He’d been curious ever since he’d overheard Harry say something about her parents’ divorce and her life after he’d been kicked out. The eavesdropping of the phone conversation that’d happened not too long ago further fuelled the curiosity. She look down and fiddled with her pendant.

    ‘Golden eyes,’ he muttered placing a finger under her chin tipping her head up. Her eyes became even wider at the affectionate name he’d given her a long time ago. He’d innocently liked her because they were alike in their own way. They were both feared. Him more so than her. ‘Please tell me, I need to know.’

            ‘Why?’ She said it with bitterness. ‘Why do you feel the need to know about my life? I don’t have to tell you anything because you wouldn’t even tell me what happened in Mullingar!’ Tears started to stream down her face, ‘So I tell you these details that you need to know so bad but you won’t even tell me anything about you.’

            ‘Ainsley, I-I want so bad to tell you but I can’t. I might be able to tell you some day but right now if I do tell you, you’ll never want to see me ever again. You will be afraid of me and I can’t have that. I can’t stand to be away from you. I couldn’t stand it when we were apart, that’s why I searched for you. I know I’d hurt you but I wasn’t myself at the time. I tried to apologise to you and tell you my secret even though it would scare you away for you good, but your mum came in with a restraining order and everything was ruined.’

            ‘If you were about to tell me then, why won’t you tell me now?’

            ‘Because we just reunited and I don’t want to ruin it and drive you away.’ There was a long silence between the two for a moment. ‘Can you please tell me about what happened with your parents?’ She sighed and shook her head.

            ‘Can we go?’

--

            The drive was silent yet again. Ainsley was looking out the window twirling her pendant. Niall was frustrated by Ainsley’s stubbornness. She pushed her dad out of her life and Niall was sure that it wasn’t healthy that she was relying on her teacher as a father figure. He knew he’d get answers one way or another and he knew just where to get them. All Ainsley wanted to do was to go talk to Chrissy and relax. Her Scottish friend would soothe her worries, and escape the tension rising between Niall and herself.